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blawgorama
My boss, Drew, sent me these yesterday from the Interweb-- hilarious:
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When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now simply The Islands.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris has no hair on his testicles; hair doesn't grow on steel.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
There are no weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Chuck Norris' wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick ass."
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