douglaskoke.com

God forgive me, I couldn't help myself. My facebook updates from today:

 Newsflash: Oh no! Where will America turn now for its eccentric pedophiles and pilled-up generational hair icons?

Newsflash: MJ's status updated to "freakish white woman". Stay tuned.

Newsflash: Even in the grips of cardiac arrest, 50-year-old Jackson was quotes as saying, "But I still feel like a little boy!', while leering from the gurney towards the pediatric ward.

Newsflash: Jackson defiant, vows he will continue world tour, but will do so as "Thriller" zombie.

Newsflash: MJ's death confirmed: swallowing gallons of high-cholesterol pre-teen jizz is apparently fatal.

Newsflash: MJ's casket to be immortalized in log ride at Neverland Ranch.

Newsflash: Oddly, Anderson Cooper will broadcasting latest MJ developments live, from a merry-go-round.

Newsflash: Jackson is dead at 50. His nose? Only 18. Affidavits say most of his ass was 7 or 8.

Newsflash: First McMahon. Then Fawcett. Now Jackson. Emerging plot to destroy America's irrelevant celebrities?

 Newsflash: In a loving tribute, attending UCLA surgeon only wears one glove.

Newsflash: The real tragedy? Jackson was unable to release final single, "I Touched Their Junk and Got Away With It!"

A-hee-hee! Shu-mon!

Newsflash: In a fitting memorial, Hasbro Toys announces it will commemorate the King Of Pop with a series of anotomically-correct courtroom dolls. Celebrate the moon-walking legend by showing mommy where he touched you!

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